Red Ribbons
by Inmate XIV
Summary: "Everyone knew Kairi Aihara had a heart condition that would eventually kill her. Everyone knew she was trying to make the best out of the time she had left to live. And when she died, everyone thought they knew why. I know the real reason, though."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Okay guys, just one more story. And then I won't write anymore for a month or so. I promise. **

**I'm still not that big of a SoKai person, but I thought I would give the pairing a shot. You know, why not? It was the only couple I really thought would fit with this story, too. **

**The song that inspired this story was **_**The Diary of Jane**_** by Breaking Benjamin. Both versions brought on the idea, but the acoustic was more effective. **

**Please leave a review on the slips of paper in front of you and place them in the glass bowl next to me! :D**

* * *

Boxes line the street in front of her house. A red 'For Sale' sign swings in the spring breeze, a sharp, high pitched squeak emitting from it. The house is empty, and there is no car in the driveway.

I happen to be walking home from school when I pass her old house. I almost had forgotten that her mother and father moved out after what happened to their daughter. And they had left everything of hers out on the street for either the dump or for someone to take.

That's how my curiosity gets the best of me. I open the first box and peer inside. There are glass figurines, soccer trophies, and yearbooks from elementary school.

I flip through a few. In third grade her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she's missing one of her front teeth. Her shirt is short sleeved and bright orange, and says something on it but I can't read it. In fourth grade there is a newly formed scar on her chin from a soccer accident. It's as big as my pinkie nail and is almost in the exact shape of a heart. She wore a soccer jersey that year. Her number was twenty one. In the last yearbook I look through, it's sixth grade, I can see traces of makeup around her eyes.

Under her picture, in everyone of them, is her name : Kairi Aihara.

Seeing the name makes my eyes water. I rub them and put the yearbook back into the box, and open the next. There are stacks of photos, pencils, notes, and school work. The first photo I see is of Riku, Kairi, and I at the beach. That was last summer. She's wearing a pink bikini and a jacket over it because it was getting darker out and it was getting colder. Kairi and I were sitting on the beach and Riku was in the water.

I chuckle at the memory; he had been trying to get her to go skinny dipping, and she said that if he got in the water for the first time that day, she would. After he did, he insisted she hold up her end of the bargain, but she refused to skinny dip.

I move onto the third box. Inside it is her soccer jersey, her own obituary cut out from the paper, there is no picture of her in it, the silver key necklace I remember her wearing ever since preschool. Her uncle had gotten it for her before he went out to serve for his country, and never came back. They didn't have anything to bury of him when they got the news. Apparently he had been blown up in a bombing. Kairi had been devastated.

The last thing I discover in the box is a book. It is black and white and has no title. I open it and read the first line.

'_Hi there! My name is Kairi Aihara and I'm sixteen years old.' _

I slam the cover shut, shivering. This is her handwriting, the bubbly, familiar hand and the familiar doodles on the side of the page. A little heart colored in red, smiley faces, random little things that she use to like.

These are the words of the dead.

This is her diary.

I think about putting it back into the box, walking away and not looking back. I would let the garbage truck take it to a landfill somewhere. Or maybe someone else would be curious enough to pick it up and have to read the words of a dead girl.

My fingers won't let go, no matter how much I try to pry them from the book. I look around and then shove it into my backpack, and then dip my hand back into the box and pull out the necklace. For how much she loved it, I was disappointed I didn't see it on her neck at her funeral.

I put it into my pocket and walk the rest of the way home. When I get there, I notice that mom and dad's cars aren't in the driveway. I walk inside and find Vanitas sitting at the kitchen table.

"Where were you?" he asks, without even looking up.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"You took longer than usual getting home today. Where were you?"

"Oh!" I put my backpack down next to the stove and head for the fridge. "My backpack fell and everything came out. I had to pick everything up and put it back inside."

"Hmph." Vanitas looks down toward his worksheet again. "That's why you have zippers to zip them up."

I reach for a juice box, pull it out, and stab the straw into it. "I know. I was busy doing something and trying to get out of school…I guess I forgot."

"Whatever," he says.

I take a sip of juice and pick my bag up again. "Where are Roxas and Ventus?"

Vanitas sighs, annoyed by all the questions I'm asking. "Roxas stayed after to watch Xion cheerlead. Ventus had basketball practice."

"Okay, I'm going to my room," Vanitas grunts in response, so I continue to sip my juice and walk up the stairs. I open the door to my room and shut it, then put my juice box down and dig the diary out of my bag.

I take a deep breath, then open it, and begin to read.

'_Entry 1 - March 2 2007_

_Hi There! My name is Kairi Aihara, and I'm sixteen years old. This is my first time ever keeping a diary, but I thought I might try it. _

_I'll start by telling you a little bit about myself. I was born in Radiant Garden, but I moved to Destiny Islands when I was little. That's where I live now. I live with my mom and dad, and I'm an only child. I have two best friends named Sora Strife and Riku Estheim. I have played soccer since I was in first grade. _

_Oh, and I have some weird heart condition that could kill me any day now. I'm not scared of it, my heart's already given out twice on me…'_

I choke while reading, so I bit my fist and continue.

'…_my heart's given out twice already. I'm use to being treated like a baby by my mom and dad. Technically, my heart is normal right now. It's like the disease I have is hibernating inside of me…waiting for the right moment to strike me and kill me. I don't mean to be depressing or anything, because I'm really not depressed at all! I love life, but I'm ready to die at any time. I don't want to have to live in fear of this for the rest of what is left of my life. _

_My mom wants to take me out of soccer, and I hate her for it. Dad has checked out, as in he doesn't seem to be in his own head anymore. He's an empty body that sits in a chair and stares out aimlessly into the world, as if a cure is going to come walking through the door and make me right again. _

_Ever since the last attack I had, he's been that way. I guess it was because I was only ten at the time, and he knew he was going to lose his little girl before she even hit twenty. _

_Mom just worries and worries and worries about me. It irritates me. Everyday she asks me how my heart is doing an how I feel, do I need a glass of water or an ice pack? Is the house too hot or too cold? Do I need another blanket on my bed?_

_I want to tell her, "Shut up already! Accept the fact that I'm going to die soon and leave me alone!"_

_I don't, though. I know she's just concerned. I really can't blame her, either. I would be concerned if my daughter had a fatal heart condition. Luckily I won't curse my child with something like that. I'll be dead before I even figure out if I want kids or not. _

_I better start thinking then, shouldn't I?_

_Anyway, I'll stop depressing you now. I don't like it when I'm depressing people. I think all I going to do is write when something big happens. Not just little entries that have no meaning to them. _

_Mother's calling. See you later!_

_- Kairi'_

That's the end of her first entry. Tears trail from my eyes in two narrow lines. I wipe them away with my sleeve and sniff. I feel terrible about reading Kairi's diary, even if she is dead. To see the familiar handwriting of someone who is no longer here…it's too strange. And to add to that, she was the best friend I could even have.

"Why the hell are you crying?" I look up toward the doorway and see Vanitas standing there, leaning against a wall. The expression he wears on his face says he's tired.

"I'm not…" I answer, rubbing my eyes harder and trying to stop the tears sooner.

Vanitas rolls his eyes. "Whatever. I'm not going to make you tell me. I really just don't care. Dinner's ready when you want it." I nod and he leaves. Since mom and dad are almost always out of the house, Vanitas has to take care of us. I mean, he literally has to. Mom told him if she ever came back and found on of us dead, she would ground Vanitas from everything from a very long time.

I close the book and set it down gently on my bed, and slowly make my way down the stairs, trying to think of something other than Kairi.


	2. Chapter 2

I hide the diary under my pillow, and decide to read it only at night. It seems more private that way, so I know that Vanitas wouldn't end up walking in on me and take it, then throw it away and tell me that I didn't need to think about that.

Though, I really did need to think about her. If I didn't I would eventually forget her face, and this was the only way I would be able to remember. If I thought about her all the time.

I would feel wrong if she wasn't in my mind somewhere anyway.

I had already counted how many pages were filled in the book. There were seventy four pages filled, and forty journal entries. I haven't read all of them, just the one on the first page. One a night, that's what I decided on. I would take it in my backpack at school, so no one could go through my room and end up finding it.

I'm probably just being paranoid though. This diary and the necklace are really the only things I have left of Kairi.

School lately is very boring. Riku hasn't been coming and everyone was really quiet in our grade. The seat in front of me in biology, which is fifth period, all the time. The teacher didn't even try to put the new exchange student in that seat. I guess it was for respect.

No one's grades are good, not even mine, and I'm trying my hardest to concentrate. There's always someone crying in class, and someone's in the principal's office or seeing the counselor. Hayner Smith and Seifer Hunter got into a fight, because Seifer called Kairi a little wimp that couldn't deal with anything, and Hayner was standing right there. That was a big mistake on Seifer's part. Hayner may not look tough, but he's tougher than you would think. Gave Seifer a black eye and a bloody nose.

It's just a stage of grieving I guess. Hayner's really sad. Seifer use to have a crush on Kairi, and that might have been why he said all those bad things; that was his way of showing that he was caring inside, but trying not to show it outside. He's too much of a 'bad boy' to cry or show any emotion besides anger.

Anyway, it's been one full week since I took that diary from in front of her house. I walk past the house, and the boxes everyday on my way home. Some of the picture are gone, one of the teachers, I think it was the gym teacher Yuffie, took her jersey and the trophies so she could put it in one of the cases in the hallway dedicated to athletes. The figurines were taken to a thrift shop.

The day I read the second entry it was extremely warm out, but raining. When I was walking home I close the boxes in front of Kairi's old house so that nothing was damaged. Okay, maybe some things were wet, but I didn't want anything to get wetter. That would make me feel bad. Then I ran home.

I get there and find Vanitas screaming at Ven for something. Ventus is crying and saying something under his breath. I look over at Roxas, who is sitting in the window and watching the rain. He has headphones on, and I can hear the music loud and clear. If I wanted to I could sing along. I'm not even sure if he knows the shouting and crying is going on.

"What's going on?" I ask. I put a hand on Ventus's shoulder. Both Roxas and Ventus are in sixth grade. Ventus is the older twin but he's more sensitive than Roxas.

Vanitas glares at me, then thrusts a piece of paper over at me, without saying a word. I look at the paper. It's Ven's report card. He has two As, one B, and two Ds.

"Idiot," Vanitas mutters. "Do you know how angry mom and dad will be when they see this? And they won't only be angry at you, they'll be angry at me, too! How the hell could you get grades like this? I outta-"

"Stop it," I say. "Your grades weren't that good in sixth grade, either, as I recall. Would you just leave him alone? It's one bad report card…"

"Just shut up," Vanitas growls. He shoots a look at Ventus, who flinches and whispers Kairi's name. "Go to your room. We'll talk about this later."

Ven hangs his head and nods, then takes a walk of shame to his room. I can hear the door click shut.

I sigh. "How were Roxas's grades?"

"Fine." He holds up another piece of paper. It's been in his hand the whole time and I was wondering what it was. Roxas has all As. "Roxas is smart. Ventus is just retarded or something. We need to get him checked."

"I doubt that," I say, moving away from him and toward the stairs. "Going to do homework. Call me when dinner's ready."

"Yeah, yeah," Vanitas grumbles. He waves me off. I roll my eyes and do as I said I was going to do. Thunder roars outside. I think of how Kairi would have screamed if she was here. She didn't like thunder, or lightning for that matter.

I use to be funny. Now it makes me sad.

I really don't have homework to do, I just come up here so I can have some private time. If I asked Vanitas for a little time alone, he'll come up every five minutes to make sure I haven't hung myself or something.

That's a stupid thought really. I would never kill myself. I see no use in it. Yes, I'm very sad that my best friend/the girl I loved is dead, but that doesn't mean I instantly become suicidal.

I'll probably never love again though.

An hour passes with me just staring up at the ceiling and doing nothing. I had the intention to stay that way for as long as I could. The ceiling was cream colored, and there's a spider crawling across it. I don't really mind it being there as long as it doesn't crawl all over me when I'm trying to sleep.

Vanitas finally calls me. I go downstairs, and I am assaulted by a plate of food being thrust into my face.

"Take this to Ven's room," he commands.

I take the plate out of his hands. "You're going to at least feed him, huh? How nice of you."

Vanitas shrugs. "Might as well. I'd rather not walk in there later and find him dead."

"…good. He deserves to at least eat something," I mutter. I turn away before Vanitas can glare at me like I know he's probably going to do to my back. Ven and Roxas's bedroom is the only one downstairs, so all I have to do is walk down the hallway. I open the door and walk inside. His light is off and he is lying on his bed, sleeping. Tears streaked down his face.

I set the plate down on his desk and pull the blanket over him. Then I leave.

I sit down at the table next to Roxas, who is almost finished with his dinner, but he's picking at his corn. He doesn't like corn.

"How was school?" I ask him.

"It was fine," he deadpanned. I nod and take a bite of chicken. "We had a free day today for everyone with good grades. Xion and I listened to music all day long. She really likes Bullet for my Valentine."

I stare at him, watching as he slowly brings a spoonful of corn to his mouth. "You like her?"

Roxas turns red. He chews his corn slowly, trying to buy time before he has to answer. Either that or he really hates his corn. Both, most likely. "I like her…as a friend."

I snicker. Vanitas finally sits down at the table and gives me a look that says to shut up and eat my food.

That is what I do, so I don't get attacked.

Roxas doesn't, though. He puts his fork down and looks up. "Was Ventus okay?"

"What does it matter?" Vanitas asks, his mouth full of food.

"I think he should be let out of the room, is all…" Roxas continues to mutter under his breath, but he never says anything. He picks up his plate and utensils and washes them off in the sink. Then he walks to his room and slams the door shut.

"He might be right," I say.

Vanitas shakes his head. "No, this is his punishment. Every night he'll go to his room and do his homework, and when he gets done he'll bring it to me, and I'll check it over. Whatever is wrong he'll correct." He takes another bite of food. "Then maybe he'll get better grades than he has now."

"Vanitas, I think you may be overreacting…"

"I don't care what you think," he snaps.

I feel as though we're an old married couple, we fight so much. Bickering our entire marriage.

Good lord.

Instead of arguing any further, I stand up and put my dish into the sink. Then I walk upstairs without saying anything to Vanitas. It's already six, so I decide to take a shower. Then I can read another entry.

The shower water is scolding when I step into the shower. I barely notice, honestly, I adjust the water and scrub down with soap and wash my hair. Then someone knocks on the door and Vanitas demands that I hurry up and get out. I better not have used all the water, he says.

I turn the shower off and wrap a towel around my waist. Then Vanitas barges in and shove me out into the hallway. A blast of cold air hits me and I begin to shiver. I retreat to my room and quickly dress, then climb under the blankets. I turn the lamp on next to my bed and wrap one of the blankets around my shoulders, and then pull the diary out from under my pillow.

I flip to the page I was on.

'_Entry 2 - March 16__th__ 2007_

_I kinda feel bad for not journaling every day, so I'm here to say I'm sorry. _

_Today we had gym. There was a substitute teacher there, not the real teacher. SO he made me run laps. When I told him I wasn't suppose to, I was suppose to save my strength up for soccer, he said I needed to stop being a drama queen. I told him I had a heart condition, he didn't believe me. Riku gave me a weird look when I was on the track, but he didn't say anything. He was on his third lap and I was still on my first. _

_I started getting dizzy, so I asked the teacher again if I could just sit out. He said no, to get a drink and get running again. _

_So that's what I did. _

_I think the condition is about to resurface, because I passed out a little into my second lap. I woke up in the hospital. My heart was pounding in my chest. There was no one in the room with me. _

_Then I blacked out again. All I had done was blink…and I ended up passing out. Each time I opened my eyes another scene would be going on. And then I would close my eyes and I would end up unconscious again. _

_Open, close, open, close. I woke up an hour ago and I've been able to stay fully awake for about forty minutes or so. Mom has visited a lot today, apparently she's left so many times because dad would be waiting in the car. He didn't want to come in and see me. _

_That's okay though. According to one of the nurses, Sora and Riku have been here since I collapsed. The first time I woke up they were in the cafeteria getting food. At the moment they're both sleeping on the couch. _

_I was grateful that they were asleep when the doctor came in. He told me that I was overworking myself and that now my heart was even worse than before. I'll have to stay in the hospital for a week so they can monitor me. _

_Worst of all : No more soccer. Ever. _

_You have no idea how terrible that is for me. Soccer is my life! Who cares about some stupid heart condition? Not me!_

_I'm just glad this didn't happen during soccer season. They would have blamed it on soccer then. They would have blamed it on my love for soccer and that I threw my all into it. Mom would have been able to say I told you so. _

_That doctors also want me inside when the temperature is over ninety degrees. I could overheat. Which means if I make it to summer I won't be able to go outside most the time. _

_Sorry for my language, I usually don't talk like this, but this is really shit! Why did this have to happen to me? Why can't I be like everyone else? _

_Okay, I know. I need to stop mopping over it. I need to enjoy what little time I have left. The doctor says about sixth months left. _

_I'm okay with that. _

_I gotta go. Sora's about to wake up and if he sees me with this than he'll want to read it. _

_Then he'll tease me for having a diary._

_- Kairi'_

I close my eyes and rub then, sighing. I remember that day clearly. Kairi had fallen over on the track. It was really hot that day and the track had burned her cheek and made it soar. It didn't scar though.

I shove the book back under my pillow and lay my head down. I think, I can't lose Riku too, or I might lose it completely.

Between my thoughts, I find enough comfort to fall asleep.

* * *

**Yay! Finally got the second chapter up!**

**LittleKairi : No, it's going to be a full story. I'm glad you liked it!**

**Kotone-Sora : Lol, I know what you mean. Hope you enjoy reading the rest. ;)**

**XXXHikari-KuraiXXX : Haha, great minds think alike I suppose. Actually, to be fully honest, I've never played Final Fantasy. I just know everyone's character and who dies. The title of the story was actually just something random. I tried doing 'Handwriting' or even 'Lines' but they didn't seem write, sadly. **

**Omega Star Shooter 14 : Lol, I never saw myself writing one honestly. And yes, Roxas watching Xion cheerleading was just a little thing that hit me, and Ven playing basketball…I don't really know where that came from. Lol. **

**Walker of Nothing : I enjoy depressing stories too actually. Lol, thanks. :D**

**October Lynx : I'm glad you enjoyed it, overall. ;)**

**Hideki411 : Thanks. ;D**


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up in the morning the rain has stopped completely and it's sunny out. Saturdays mean sleeping in until twelve for me, one for Vanitas. Which basically meant that I had to take care of Roxas and Ventus's needs for an hour. I like taking care of them. The way they interact sometimes is funny. Being twins and everything. They didn't really act like they hated each other, but they don't act like they love each other either.

I sit up and yawn loudly, knowing that I'm not disturbing Vanitas by doing this. He's a very heavy sleeper, which isn't always in his advantage. Ventus and I played a prank on him when he was sleeping once. We drew on his face with a sharpie marker. Of course, after he woke up, we didn't have much of an advantage then. I remember being locked out of the house for about three hours before he let of back in. And it was dark at the time. He had to scrub the sharpie off of his face, and it was still bright red when he let of us. But there wasn't any marker left on his face.

My usual morning/afternoon ritual begins when I got out of bed. I pick a random outfit, walk to the bathroom, shower. The hot water wakes me up instantly. The scalding water, that is. I have to turn a lot of cold water on before the water burns the skin off of my back. When my shower is over, I step out, dry off, and put my clothes on. It's a sky blue t shirt and black jeans. And, of course, sneakers.

I walk downstairs and find the usual Saturday scene. Roxas is lounged on the couch, listening to music and flipping through the channels on TV. I don't know how he can hear the TV if he's listening to music, but I don't argue with it. Ventus I sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal. His eyes are downcast, and he doesn't look up at me and smile like he always does. He must still feel bad about yesterday and his grades and Vanitas yelling at him like he did. I don't even want to imagine how it was before I walked in the door.

"Hey kiddo," I greet, ruffling Ven's hair. He grunts instead of laughing. I walk to the cabinet and search for something to fix. Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Applejacks, and of course, Poptarts. I take a chocolate Poptart and put it into the toaster. I only like them when they're warm. Ten seconds later, I open the microwave and pull it out. I sit down across from Ven, who nods when he sees me sitting there. I bite into the Poptarts, and quickly swallow. Too hot!

Ventus chuckles when he sees the face I make. He can't stay sad for long. He just…couldn't. It wasn't like Ven. Of course, as soon as my throat cools, I laugh too. "Maybe I should have waited before eating it?"

"Yeah," he says between bites of cereal.

I look back at Roxas. "Has Roxas eaten yet?"

Ventus looks at me, confused. "Um…I'm eating right now."

I pause, and turn to him. Have I mixed them up again? Isn't Roxas over there, listening to his Ipod? No, maybe not. This twin has paler skin, and darker eyes. "What are you talking about…?"

He sighs. "You've mixed us up again. I'm Roxas, and I'm eating. Ventus is over there. His Ipod is dead so I'm letting him use mine. He's still upset about last night. Yes, Ventus ate. He got up before me and ate. Then he woke me up."

"Oh…" Yikes. I hate when I do this to them. It just doesn't feel right. This isn't the first time I've done it either. So it's easy to understand why Roxas is scowling at me. "I'm sorry."

"Course you are," he huffs. The he bends down over his cereal again and begins eating. I bite into my Poptart. Now I have him mad. How great. Then again, when isn't Roxas mad about something? Even when he hides it, he has something on his mind that's making him angry. I just don't understand the kid. Why do you always have to be so sad or so angry?

Well, I guess it was better that he was bottling it up instead of killing us all. No, wait, it wasn't good that he was bottling his emotions up, but it was good that he wasn't trying to kill all of us because of his rage. Maybe he was silently killing us…

Nah. Roxas isn't a serial killer.

The phone rings suddenly. Roxas is the one to pick it up before both Ven or me. I didn't realize it for a moment, and Ventus obviously couldn't even hear it, between the sound of the TV and his music. Roxas then hands the phone to me, and I press it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," a voice says. I perk up. This is Riku's voice. Why does he sound so sad about something? Is it because he misses Kairi so much? "Can…um…we talk about something? In person? I really don't like talking about personal things over the phone."

"Sure!" I jump from my seat, startling Roxas. "Were can I meet you?"

"Um…I dunno…" he mumbles. "We could just meet up in the school parking lot…or we can go…wherever is convenient to you…"

"I can meet you at the school!" I say, cheerfully. Maybe being cheerful and sounding this way will make him feel a little better. But when he says goodbye and to meet him there as soon as possible, his tone hasn't changed. I shut the phone off and look at Roxas. "I have to be somewhere. Think you can take care of yourself?"

"Yeah…" he says. Then he smirks. "Was that your date? Are you going out tonight?"

"Err…" Did it really sound like that? Maybe I should work on it. "No…that was Riku. He said I needed to meet him somewhere, is all. So…I'm going to go to the school parking lot and meet him there. He doesn't want to talk on the phone." I don't know why Riku doesn't like talking on the phone…he just doesn't. I don't really understand it myself.

Roxas looks away. "Oh. Okay."

"Why did you ask if I had a date?" I ask.

He looks down, and kicks his feet under the table. "Well…if you want the truth…we're all kinda sick of seeing you mope around because Kairi's dead. We wanna see you happy, and I thought maybe you had a date, and she could make you feel better."

His words, even though I know he's just concerned, stun me. Why would I even consider going out with anyone after Kairi…she was the one that I loved most in the world. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I just let the memory of her slip away to nothing as I go out into the world with someone else.

I don't reply to him. I grab my jacket and look at Ventus. He hasn't moved from his original position. "I'm going out Roxas. See you tonight." I hear him murmur okay as I shut the door. I don't want to hear anything else from him right now. And besides, I have to meet with Riku as soon as possible. He's already waiting, I can tell. Riku always calls and says to meet him at the location he was at, and if it wasn't good, he would change places. But he always got there first.

It takes me about twenty or twenty five minutes to get to the school. Riku is already waiting for mean, leaned up against the wall staring down at his phone. I don't know why he is doing this.

"Hey," I greet, as I close in on him.

He looks up at me, and shoves his phone into his jacket pocket. "Hey." A silence grows between us, then he sighs and breaks it. "Look, Sora, I'm really sorry for my behavior lately. I haven't been coming to school and I haven't been replying to your texts. I didn't even pick up when you called. I haven't been a good friend…I'm really sorry."

I stare at him, wondering why exactly he would be apologizing to me. It doesn't make sense. I know he's been having a hard time getting used to Kairi's death and her not being there to brighten his day like she always was. I hated to see him that way, but it was best that he take his time.

I smile. "That's okay, it was nothing really! I didn't mind! You were-"

"Stop being so forgiving," Riku snaps. I shut my mouth. "You know, Sora, this is why you're always being taken advantage of. You forgive to damn easily and that's why everyone finds you annoying all the time! Why can't you stand up for yourself a little more? Get mean, get aggressive. Stop being such a fluffy bunny."

This hurts. Does he really mean these words, or is he just raging? Whatever it is, I have to put my arm over my eyes to keep the tears from pushing through. Damn. I really am a fluffy bunny.

"Sora," Riku says. His voice has softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You know that right? I didn't mean anything I just said…I'm really sorry."

I bite hard on my lip, and smile. "It's okay. I don't care. It's okay…" Now that I think about it, what is a fluffy bunny? What does the term mean, exactly? Yet another thing I sometimes wonder about Riku. He comes up with the strangest sayings that he uses at the most strangest of times. Maybe that's just because he's always been complimented on being creative in creative writing class.

I rub a hand across my face. Then I nod. "I'm okay. I know, that's just the way I am…sometimes…"

Before any words seem to enter my brain, Riku pulls me into a tight hug. Something he's never done before. I don't know why he does this, I really don't understand anything he's doing right now. I don't know why he even wants to apologize. I know better than to fight back against him. He's stronger than me.

"Sora…" his voice is shaky and wrecked. "I…I don't think I can take this anymore."

"Take what?" I ask, slightly startled by the change of tone in his voice. I don't like how it's changed so much in the last minute. "Riku. What are you talking about?"

He shakes his head in self pity. "I hate being deemed the 'best friend of that girl who died.' I hate it, Sora! I hate people pitying me so much and I hate people in general right now! I want to end it all already!"

I pull away from him, and look him right in the eyes. "Riku, what are you saying?"

He can't look at me, though. "I'm just saying…I think I'm going to kill myself…"

"Riku!" I say.

"Why do you even care?" he asks. "You liked Kairi more than me. Everyone knows that! There's no point in saying that you didn't! You were only my friend because Kairi was my best friend when we were little. Then you moved here and all she wanted to do was hang out with you. She dragged me along because she didn't want me feeling left out. So why do you even care if I kill myself? You're not losing anyone!"

Riku turns and starts to stomp away. I run toward him and grab his arm. He looks over his shoulder at me for a spilt second. I let words pour out of my mouth. "Riku, you're my best friend too, no matter what you think! You, and Kairi…you both mean a lot to me! Even with Kairi gone I still feel like she's here…watching with us…so you got to do this for her, too, okay?! Don't kill yourself, please!"

Again, he pulls away and starts walking away from me. "Yeah, whatever. I'm going home, Sora, I have work to do. You should go home too."

I stand alone in the parking lot and watch as he walks across the street and disappears from sight. He's right, I should go home. By now Vanitas must be up and he knows that I left Roxas and Ventus alone in the house. Without being watched. And he's probably going to kill me for that. Yet I don't really care. Mom and Dad would kill him for killing me. It all ended well in the end, right? Except the two oldest sons in the family would be dead.

I sigh, and begin to walk back to the house. I'm of course unease by the fact the Riku is talking like this. He's been depressed before, but he's never acted like this. Not in front of me, at least. The stress really must be getting to him.

As expected, when I get home Vanitas is sitting at the kitchen table. He asks me where I was, and I just shrug and start to make my way upstairs. He doesn't follow me, surprisingly. I shut my door and take my jacket off, throw it onto the floor. Today, I'm too anxious to wait until night to read another entry in Kairi's diary. It still feels wrong, but I need to read another. I want to know what really happened to her. Because, I don't think it was her heart that killed her, in the end. She seemed fine the day before when she came to school…she would have felt worse, and acted worse, if it was her heart that had killed her.

I open the book and begin to read.

_Hey there. Kairi again. _

_I'm finally out of the hospital! I hated it there. Freaking. Hated. It. The room I was in smelled like antiseptic and syringes. I hate syringes. I hate having to get shots, and I hate needles in general. I hate the feeling of them going into my arm, taking my blood for samples or lab testing. I hate when they put medicine inside of me with them. _

_I've always hated them. _

_Anyway, like I said, I'm out of the hospital. I'm allowed to go back in school, but if I feel even a little bit bad I have to go back home and rest. Still too unstable to play in gym, or any activity of that sort. Anything physical, I have to stay out of. I feel weak. _

_Today, I sat with Sora and Namine at lunch. Riku wasn't there, of course. He never seems to be in school much anymore. Apparently he's been sick or something. This is what he says, at least. I don't like it when he lies. I feel like h he's avoiding me now. The last time I even saw him was in the hospital, and he looked angry. It might have been because Sora was more talkative than he was, and I talked to him more. If Riku wanted me to talk to him, why didn't he speak up and say something? Everything would have been fine, then. _

_He confuses me, a lot. But boys confuse me because I don't really know how they think or how the see the world…because I'm a girl! I see the world differently then they do. _

_Then again, I see the world differently than I a lot of people do. _

_Namine asked me why I can be so cheerful, even when I know I'm dying. I only smiled, and answered, "Why be sad when you only have a limited time left? I want to enjoy everything to the fullest extent. I don't want to go out being remembered as 'that sad girl that had a heart condition who died here'."_

_Namine only nodded and returned to her lunch. Sora said nothing on the conversation, or my statement. I thought it was good! But like I said, I feel differently than I a lot of people. I am too different. _

_I don't like being different. _

_I have to go, for now. I'll write later!_

_- Kairi Aihara_

* * *

**I'm sorry for not having this updated until now. Things have been a little hectic. **

**Walker of Nothing : Aw thanks. ;)**

**KHDayskh1314 : Thanks for reviewing~. :) This story is going to be...about...maybe 30-40 chapters long. That's just an estimate. But yeah, I couldn't help but make Roxas and Xion friends in this story. It had to happen. ;)**

**Omega Star Shooter 14 : Lol, thank you! :D I try to make stories a little funny...sometimes. Yes, I couldn't help but have a little bit of RokuShi...hee hee. **


	4. Chapter 4

I don't know why, but I haven't been reading through Kairi's diary lately. I've instead been on the phone a little more, talking to Riku until I'm too tired to talk anymore. Usually, it's just me talking. Riku listens to me. He might give some advice to me about whatever I'm talking about, or he'll give me the answers to the math homework.

I want him to know that I'm not trying to neglect him. Ever since we had that talk in the school parking lot, he always wanted to avoid this subject, but I wanted him to know that I still cared about him, and I always would. No matter what he said.

So it's been three weeks. Three weeks since I even thought about picking her diary back up. It's like, I feel too nervous to. But yet it makes me feel like I'm neglecting Kairi's memory by not reading it. I hate feeling like this.

That's why tonight I need to try and read and talk at the same time, or maybe hang up a little earlier than usual. Or maybe, I could go one night, just one night, without talking to Riku.

Still, it makes me feel guilty either way. Riku is living and Kairi is dead. I still felt like I needed to love them both, living or dead.

Tonight, Vanitas is out with someone. A date. So I have to stay with Roxas and Ventus and do whatever it is that they need me to do. I need to take Ven to basketball practice and Roxas to Xion's birthday party. Vanitas says I should try out for some kid of sport; whether it be football, soccer, maybe track. I don't want to go out for anything. I'm not sporty, and I'm kinda scrawny to be honest. My grade in gym is a C. Riku is better. Even Kairi was better than me. Then again, it was only because of her condition that she got a B in that class. Nothing more.

I sit on the couch, waiting for the clock to hit seven. That's when we got to get going. Ven's practice is at seven thirty, and Xion's party is at eight. It takes longer to get to Xion's house from the school, but we'll get there a little early if we just let Ven walk in the door himself and then go automatically on our way. Ven could walk himself home. I just needed to make sure he got there in time and didn't wander off and skip practice. He's pretty good.

Roxas, though, refuses to come out of his room. He doesn't want to leave the house. I might have embarrassed him, saying that Xion would be cute as his girlfriend. He had turned bright red and quickly left the room. After ten minutes alone he came out and announced angrily that him and Xion were only friends, and would never be anything more. I said nothing else on the subject.

So here I am standing outside of the bedroom where Roxas has secluded himself to. I open the door and walk inside, finding him sitting at his desk Ipod turned up loudly. If I wanted to I could make out all the lyrics.

I poke him on the shoulder. He jumps, and yanks his earbuds out.

"What do you want?" he growls. I flinch. I can tell that he's not in a very good mood.

I shrug it off. "Don't you want to go to Xion's party?'

Roxas bites his lip. "Have homework to do. I need to get it done."

I smile. "You can do that when you get back, can't you? You'll have time." I sit down on the edge of his bed. "Did something happen between you two?"

He stays silent for a moment, writing something down on his science worksheet. "No…I just…"

"Then go," I interrupt. Roxas looks down. Almost like he wants to, but at the same time he doesn't. I really must have embarrassed him.

"It's…not that easy," he says.

I sigh and watch him for a while. We stare at each other, then I speak again. "Why isn't it?"

"Because you're right, okay?" he snaps, scribbling something else down on his sheet. "I like her, and it's bugging me. She doesn't like me. I can tell. It'll be embarrassing if I show up…"

Another silence, I swallow and part my lips. "Go anyway. You don't have to tell her that you love her. Just have a good time, and tell her later. Or don't tell her at all."

Roxas stops writing for a moment, then puts his pencil down and sighs. "Okay."

"Good." I nod. I jump from the bed and point to the door. "Now come on! We have to get out there and get going! I have to take Ven to basketball practice first, and then we can walk to Xion's house. Sound good?"

Roxas swallows. "Yeah. Sounds great."

I motion for him to follow me, then I head to the living room. It's already seven. I call for Ven and he comes, then we head onto the street. I feel like I'm leading a marching band, the way Roxas and Ventus file out of the door behind me, in a perfect line. I want to turn around and childishly wave my arms as if conducting them. I don't though. They might think I'm crazy.

We make it to the school and I lead Ventus into the main hallway. I turn to leave, but this is when he calls my name, and walks back to me.

"What's wrong?" I ask, putting my hands on his shoulders. He looks down sadly. "Ven?"

"It's just…Kairi use to watch me come and play…" he admits. "It made me happy. Now…I feel lonely because she's not there. Can I quit basketball?"

"Ven, you're already here," I say softly. "It's going to be alright. Think about it this way; she's still watching you. You just can't see her anymore. But she's still watching you."

This causes Ventus to smile, and wipe his eyes. "Yeah…you're right."

"Better?" I ask.

"Better."

"Okay." I pat him on the head, and send him on his way. Roxas is still standing outside and waiting for me. I place a hand on his shoulder to let him know that I am here. Without a word, we begin to walk again. Roxas has always been like this. It's like he fears rejection. I mean, the worst a person can do is say no, right?

Roxas is paranoid that they'll do more, though. Maybe he's afraid that they'll end up making fun of him? That might be it. I would be afraid of that, too. But the girl I love is dead and gone. No bringing her back.

I hate thinking like this.

"Thanks for walking me here," Roxas says. I look up. We're already in front of the house, Roxas is walking up the driveway. Wow. It didn't cross my mind that Xion lived so close. I completely forget about that.

"Have fun!" I call, just as he's walking in the door. He gives me a two fingered wave, something he probably learned from his friend Axel, because I always see him doing that. He works at a restaurant. I don't see him around much, come to think of it.

I turn to walk back home. I decide, one night without calling Riku will be okay. It will be okay if he misses me one night…because I need to read another entry. I've been wanting to read so badly- so badly that every night I forget I bite my fingers nails a little more. They're down to the bleeding point. A few of them are swollen around the nail…but it doesn't really hurt all that much. They're almost gone numb. I think I need to stop doing that.

I find myself back at the house in no time. Of course, it is empty, which gives me the right to do whatever I want. But I don't want to do anything crazy or reckless. I want to take a shower, sit down, and read another entry.

This is what I do. They shower water feels nice on my body, considering that I'm kinda sweating from walking back and forth. When I crawl under the covers of my bed and pull the diary out, I feel at ease.

I open the book.

_Hi!_

_It's me, Kairi again. I bet you missed me, didn't you? To be honest, I kinda missed writing in you. Even though I said I was only going to write when something important happened, I still missed you. Well, I'm just going to pretend like you missed me. If you were a person, I bet you would. _

_Today, in gym, they played soccer. I say they because I wasn't allowed to play. I begged the gym teacher…but she just wouldn't let me. Mom probably brought in a note that said no matter what I did, I wasn't allowed to play anything. I was envious, because I got to watch all of my friends play soccer, my passion in life, while I had to sit on a stupid blue bleacher and do my math homework. That work didn't get done. I really needed to watch. _

_When I was little, before the heart condition got really bad, my dad used to turn on professional soccer games, and we would watch. After that we would go out to the backyard, set up two fake goals, and play. Dad wasn't very good at soccer, so I almost always won. _

_I probably could have helped Sora's team win against Riku's, because they sucked. Sora's team, I mean. I'm one of the best soccer players in my grade. Probably the whole high school! Our sports teams aren't very good at all, as a matter of fact. Since I stopped playing soccer, our team has lost every game that they've played so far in the season. _

_I know, because I've watched. Even if Mom won't let me play, I'm dead set on going to the games. I still want to show my support for them. I go to every one of Ven's games, too. Ven is Sora's little brother, and he plays basketball. He's adorable. He has a twin brother named Roxas, and I don't think he's in any sports. But, he's in choir. And he's one of the best singers there. In the whole school. Maybe all of Destiny Islands. I would go as far as to say that. _

_I'm friends with everyone in Sora's family, except his parents. They're never around for him, and it seems like they don't have time for him, Roxas, Ventus and Vanitas. It's like they don't want their children anymore. I hate that. _

_They don't even know anything about their kids. They don't know that Ventus's favorite color is green, they don't know that Roxas gets straight As every year since second grade! How does a parent not know that? _

_I guess they could be in worse conditions. Their parents could abuse them, and drink and do drugs and all that crap. That's good. I wouldn't be able to stand to know the fact that my best friend was abused. I love Sora to death, I mean, as a friend, and Roxas and Ventus are like the little brothers I always wanted. Vanitas, though…I don't know about him. He doesn't really talk to me much. He doesn't have many friends…I feel bad for him. _

_I just get really protective of my friends, is all. Even though I don't have much time to live, I want to make Sora's parents love him even more. _

_- Kairi Aihara_

…so that's it…she wanted my parents to love us all even more? How was she going to do that? She didn't know where they were, or anything like that. I know….she never succeeded. She took that promise with her to the grave.

_Damn it! _I find myself biting into my pillow, holding back tears. She wanted us all to be closer…and we couldn't even do that.

I guess not all families are perfect.

* * *

**Walker of Nothing : Thank you for pointing that out. CX I went back and fixed it. **

**X-Blade025 : Thanks for the review! I appreciate the little of critique there. I like getting that. **

**Rageaxe125 : Yeah, supposed to be a little sad, but the story'll probably get happier as chapters go. **

**Omega Star Shooter 14 : Don't worry, I promise that he won't kill himself or anything. ;) He's just feeling like he should. **

**Reigatsu : Thanks. ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

I wake the next morning to Vanitas knocking on my door. Or, he's pounding on the door than politely knocking. What else would be expected from him though?

"Yes?" I ask, opening the door, only to be answered by the phone being tossed toward me. I look up toward Vanitas but he's already walking down the hallway top do something else. I shut the door behind me and sit back down on the bed. "Uh, hello?"

"_Hi honey," _a soft, feminine voice says. It takes me a moment to recognize my own mother's voice. She hasn't called since around the time Kairi died, and hasn't been home since the funeral. She was close friends with Kairi's parents, so she had been there to comfort them.

"Oh. Hi mom," I say, my voice sounding slightly awkward. "What's up?"

"_I just wanted to call and see how everyone was doing," _she answered. She sounded tired. Of course, running a company must have been tiring. It surely wasn't very fun. _"and just to check up on everything. How have you been?" _

I shrug to myself, knowing that she can't see me. "I've been okay…things at school are still pretty depressing, but otherwise, everything is okay. Oh…and when do you think you'll be home next?"

I hear her sigh on the other end of the phone. _"I can't really say…maybe around Thanksgiving? Christmas? Somewhere around there." _

What I would give to make her come back as soon as possible. I miss her, and I miss Dad. I don't even know if they miss us. I don't really know if they even care about us anymore. I mean, Vanitas is taking care of us fine. Knowing that, they probably don't even feel like they need to be burdened with us anymore. All they need to do is pay the bills.

"Okay…" I say, trying not to argue. "Can I speak with Dad?"

"_Your father isn't here right now," _she says. Her reaction is a little too quick for me to really believe her, but of course I don't argue. It doesn't help anything to argue. _"I wish he was, but he isn't here. He's doing business with someone in Traverse Town. So from here, he's….two hours away." _

"Can I call him?" I ask.

"_No," _she answers. It's another answer that comes a little too quick, but nothing is said on the matter. "He's too busy. I'm sorry, Sora."

"Yeah okay," I say, ending the conversation completely. Mom takes a long time to conjure up something to say, and when she finally does her tone of voice is made up of fake happiness.

"_Okay sweetie. I have to go now, so I'll call you whenever I get the time." _Which means, two to six months from now. _"I love you. Bye." _

"Bye, love you too." I hang up, already a little agitated from talking to her. She claims that she can't help when she calls and when she doesn't call. But really, would it kill her to take a little time out of her day and maybe call once a week? Or was that asking too much of her?

I yawn and consider going back to bed, but then decide that it would be better to just get up and get ready for the day. It was yet another day of the weekend, which made me relax a little. I wouldn't have to rush to get ready for school, eat and run out the door to catch the bus, or meet Vanitas in the car before he drove off without me.

I take a shower and dress, then go down stairs, but I'm not very hungry at the moment. I figure that I can eat later, or wait until Vanitas or Ven makes lunch or dinner. It all depends.

"Hi Sora!" Ven greets when I walk down the stairs. I know this time it's Ven, because the bracelet he's wearing is zigzag instead of stripped. "Did you sleep well last night?"

I nod, and put the telephone back on the receiver. "Yep. I did. You got to talk to Mom didn't you?"

"Yeah," he says, nodding. "Me and Roxas did first. Then Vanitas did. And then he went up to wake you up to talk to her. I didn't get to talk to dad, though. Did you?"

"Nah. Did she tell you he was too busy to talk, too?" Ventus nods in return. I roll my eyes. Really, I couldn't tell if she was lying to us and our father just didn't want to talk, or if he was really on a business trip. I wasn't allowed to call him either.

"Well, whatever. Did you sleep good last night?"

"Yeah!" he says with a big grin. He does seem better from yesterday, when Roxas had let him borrow his iPod because his was dead. When I had confused them with each other. I hated when I did that. I need to remember to look at their bracelets. Mom got them so that it would be easier to tell them apart.

Even though she didn't like to admit it, she had confused them more times than anyone else had. Especially when they were babies.

"Where's Roxas?" I ask, sitting down next to Ven on the couch.

He shrugs. "I don't know. He wasn't in bed when I woke up. I think he spent the night at Xion's."

Then I remember that I hadn't picked him up last night from Xion's. So he either had spent the night, or he had walked home but was kidnapped on the way back. Oh geez. This is really bad.

"What?" Ventus asks when he sees my face. "You look really pale. You okay?"

"Um…" I start. I look around and see that Vanitas is in the kitchen and he's already on the phone. He had already taken it, and I wasn't going to be able to use it for a while now. I could tell that he was talking to his girlfriend. The way he talks, the way he smiles when there's a sudden pause. It's his girlfriend, and he won't be off the phone for at least an hour or so. "I'm going to go get Roxas from Xion's. Tell Vanitas that if he asks."

"Okay," Ven agrees.

I slip my shoes on and quickly make my way out of the house without Vanitas noticing. I run down the street, it takes me about seven minutes or so before I reach Xion's house. The balloons are deflated from the party the night before, and someone's taken down the streamers and signs. I politely knock on the door and get an answer a few moments later. A girl about two or three years older than me stands there, her hair is short like Xion's but her eyes are brown.

"Can I help you?" she asks. Her voice is high pitched, and not very easy on the ears.

"I uh, wanted to known if Roxas was here," I say.

"Is he that little blond kid that Xion is always hanging out with?" I nod in response. I'm out of breath from running, trying to keep from talking so I don't end up suffocating to death or something like that. That would only happen to me, of course. "He's still here, yeah. Let me go get him." She doesn't bother to invite me in. The next thing I hear is her, yelling up the stairs at someone. "Xion! Your boyfriend's brother is here to pick him up!"

_Boyfriend? _I think to myself. I don't know if she's being serious, or if she's only assuming that they're boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe she's even teasing Xion and that's all.

The first person I see come down the stairs is Xion, and then Roxas is following behind her a few feet. He give mea strange look, one I can't read at all. But he gives Xion and smiles and hugs her before leaving. He's still dressed in yesterday's clothes and his hair is messier than usual. Meaning he hasn't had a shower yet.

"Did you let Vanitas know that you were staying the night?" I ask. He nods. "How come you didn't tell me? I worried about you."

"You don't always need to worry about me," he says coldly. "I was fine. And I figured that Vanitas would tell you that I was going to be gone for the night. I mean, it's only one night."

"One night is enough to scare someone!" I argued.

"Obviously."

It's the first time I've ever been provoked to smack him. Honestly, I don't know why he's being such a jerk. "Are you okay?"

Roxas looks away, and shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants. "Xion turned me down. I asked her out. But she said she just thought of me as a friend. A freaking friend." I look down at him. His eyes are red, but not like he's been crying. More like he's angry. He looks like he has the urge to kick something. Over and over and over again.

We walk all the way home in silence, and even when he opens the door he avoids Ventus's bright greeting. Roxas walks straight tot his room and shuts the door. Ventus doesn't follow him. Instead he looks at me and asks, "Why is Roxas angry?"

I want to tell him, I really do. But, I don't know if Roxas wants me to tell him. "You might want to ask him yourself. I'm not entitled to tell you something like that."

After answering his question, I walk up the stairs to my room and pull Kairi's diary out from underneath my pillow. I lock the door, hoping that Vanitas is still talking to his girlfriend. Then, I flip through a few pages and open to the next entry.

_Hey! It's Kairi! _

_But who else would it be, honestly? Just kidding. I don't know of who would really want to look through this thing, except someone who was trying to get black mail on me or something. _

_So I don't really know what to journal about today, except… _

_I think I'm in love. Like literally, in love. I've never felt this way about anyone else before. My chest gets all heavy whenever I see him, or even think about him. Which is hard, because he's always around, and I always find myself hanging out with him. He's always been my friend, like since I was little. But I don't think he likes me back. _

_I mean, I'm his best friend and he's mine. He's got a lot of other friends and I'm pretty sure that there's someone else that he likes. He told me that there was someone, but wouldn't tell me who. To be honest I think it's Namine. She's sweet and kind and caring, and she's really good at drawing! She's pretty too. I mean, who wouldn't like her? _

_Or maybe it's Aqua. Okay, okay, she's four years older than we are, but that doesn't mean he can't like her! She's pretty too, much prettier than me, and her boobs are bigger than mine too! Don't most guys like girls with big boobs? _

_Okay, I tell you who it is. But you have to keep a secret, okay? You can't tell anyone. And I mean no one. Not any of your friends, not your cousin, wait, you don't have family. _

_Ready? _

_Okay, it's…_

…_someone.;)_

_- Kairi Aihara_

* * *

**So, I really do feel bad for not updating in so long. So sorry. ;( **

**Walker of Nothing : Thanks! I fixed it. ;) **

**DiveintoHeart : Aw thank you! :D **

**KHDayskh1314 : I'm only fourteen too lol. xD And thank you very much. Yeah, I feel for Roxas. **

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**LitBlueEyed : I will, I promise. **


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